the things they don't tell you about break ups.

 WHAT NO ONE EVER TOLD ME ABOUT BREAK UPS. 

+  whatever future plans you had, are now probably screwed up. (mostly because mine all involved my ex of three years)

+   removing reminders is is difficult. it's not just photos; it's the sea shells on my desk, the posters on the wall, learning that it's not his side of the bed anymore,the spot where he used to put his keys. where he hung his work clothes. everything in my room reminds me of my ex. everything down to my bedsheets. 

+  & then there's the reminders that you can't remove. like that thai shop where we never learnt that we always over ordered from,the video store we spent hours in, the old supermarket we bought cheeky stashes of lollies from. the places we went camping, the hotel rooms we stayed in together in Melbourne, the roads i drove to get to his house. 

+  not everyone gives a shit about the break up and your pain. yes this even includes close friends. and probably no one is really going to understand exactly how you feel about the  yourself,your ex & the break up.

+   you will continually hear the cliche phrases "there's plenty more fish in the sea." " you can do better anyway." "it will take time."- i have not found this useful. 

+  you will have the urge to do something drastic- move, travel,get a piercing, tattoo.

+  not only does the break up take a toll on you mentally is also does psychically. I'm that stressed that my hair is actually falling out (not noticeable but it's happening) and stopped growing, extreme headaches, i'm not sleeping properly and have two permanent black eyes, im always tired & have little to  no energy, extreme weight loss from no appetite (im not complaining about this one.)

+   that someone you loved is responsible for your complete lack of self worth at the moment. 

+   working becomes your "plans for the weekend?" response.


+   you will find refuge in the strangest of places. I'm lucky enough to have a few people whom i'd never thought I could open up to and who would listen to me, give me the best advice, let me cry, rant & break down to. I've learnt a lot about the people in my life and those that really matter. 

+  someone will take your prescribed sleeping pills - making it even more difficult. OH HOW I WANT THEM BACK! 

+  the pre-bought birthday present & christmas gifts are non refundable. no not even because of heart break. & now are in the back of my wardrobe because i don't want to look at them& they're too cool just to get rid of. 

+   every memory now remains just that, and can't be recreated as much as you may repeat it over in your mind.

+  dreaming becomes better than reality. 

+   & yes it's the god damn hardest thing trying to forget & not think about someone after spending three years with them.

+  you will get angry, sad, want them back. feel all these feelings at once & want to explode.

+   i tried to replace my ex with designer. goodbye money. hello nice amazing heels that are too good for my feet. 

+ being broken up with a week before his birthday, close to christmas & new years eve is far from perfect timing. spending those days/nights alone is so so so hard, especially his birthday, whilst he was out partying having the night of his life, i sat at home a mess wishing on everything possible that i was there with him. & xmas this sunday & nye the weekend after are going to blow. 

+  you will watch every tv show ever existed. lock yourself away hoping for it all to go away. & i mean every tv show. i've watched every season of Dexter, The Office, The Walking dead, Skins, Flight of the Concords, Inbetweeners,  Arrested Development & as many horror films as I can. pretty much everything that isn't based entirely on love/couples.

+  as much as i've tried to convince myself how better off i am. something bigger, (im guessing my heart) just wants everything back to the way it was. love fucking hurts.